I havent been on here in a very longgg while. I just read through all my old posts. Not all of them but ones from like the summer. Anyways things are going pretty good atm. Although i am battling with some new shit. Things all together are as good as they could be i suppose. Me and john are lovely. I think it has really helped me to be in school even though i hate being here. Its good for me to get away from my regular life shit and learn. I feel like a geek when i say i like school. With the prenancy things havent gotten better or worse. Its just different. Im peeing a lot lately and i feel huge but its not too bad. I just cant wait for my lil hay hay to get here. Dont get me wrong though im scared shitless…

school started last week and it is complete hell. i have no friends in any of my classes and being around loud obnoxious people all day really sucks ass. and i dont know why but for some reason the fact that people know that im pregnant and dont say anything to me about it really bothers me. i feel like people are talking about it behind my back. even if someone is going to be a douche about it id rather them say it to me than to other people about me. i feel like that makes no sense but thats just how i feel. i know i have 3 months of school left but im already predicting these three months are going to come straight from hell. i have never been a huge fan of school but this year i just really extremely hate it.

its 4:30 and i cant fall asleep… so im gonna ramble on about stuff that doesnt matter

• so today i went to joeys to see john and this dude spunky was there he told me if me and john didnt work out i could come to him, i thought he was kinda cool at first but he creeped me out, he kept staring at me and everything and john didnt even notice…
• my dash is filled with stuff about girls and their periods, i havent had a period since april
• technically today is monday and tomorrow i get to find out what the baby is, and the day after that is the first day of school..yay..
• i am kinda excited to go back to school cuz i just wanna get it done and over with but i just keep remembering how much i hate school and it sucks so bad… i seem to forget about that during the summer
• i really wish i could fall asleep, i just cant get comfortable in my bed like none of my pillows are arranged right and i really wanna sleep on my stomach but i cant, i have to sleep on my sides but that hurts my hips, pregnancy is a pain.
• for some reason at night when i get up to go the bathroom and come back in my room it straight up smells like shit i dont know why cuz its clean and theres no reason for it to smell like shit
• i really wish john would get his shit together and get a job all he seems to worry about is getting bud all the time its really frustrating
• im gonna try and go to sleep…goodnight

*watching carebears*

joey: wheres the marijuana carebear?

john: wheres the shroom carebear?

justin: wheres the emo carebear?

john: … he killed himself…

i thought that was really funny

i just realized how much i hate everyone at school… haha 

and i was looking forward to going back to that shit.. what a joke.

sometimes i think john has a tumblr… he just texted me saying i was beautiful, i cant remember the last time he said that. it kind of was the highlight of my day. <3

im just going to go to bed since no one seems to want to talk to me anymore. i do love when people dont text me back. i wish i could be content with sleeping forever and just never getting out of bed. when i get out of bed is when things seem to go wrong. if only i could just say fuck everything.. but it doesnt work that way. im a big girl, i have to handle my problems like a big girl. so in talk of dealing with my problems im going to start by hittin the hay.